Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize