Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
