Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
