I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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