Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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