Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
