what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
