I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
