At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He shit in the fireplace
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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