so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
