I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize