hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
