i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
