Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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