PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
