that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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