i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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