My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
