the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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