she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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