i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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