to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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