This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
