on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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