i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize