Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
