just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just invented taco cereal.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
