and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
