Can i not drive my cunt home
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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