just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
