i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
