I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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