THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
