all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
