The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
