Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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