We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
