Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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