i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
