I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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