So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
