Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
