I CAN MOONWALK!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
