Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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