I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
