Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
