and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize