Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
