Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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