My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
