Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
