Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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