dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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