Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
