i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
