I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You pole danced in your parka.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
