so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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