you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
