I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
