i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
