I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
