I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
