I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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