im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
