Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
