My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize