The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
