Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is my gift to your gina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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