he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
