a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
